I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My balls are so social today.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
