I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
