I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
