Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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