If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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