Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
