I cockslap morals
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
