I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
