we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
