I need help removing her.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
