I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
