it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
