the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
