He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize