she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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