I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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