we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
