My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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