Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
