so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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