alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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