Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
