Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
