I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I love having hate sex.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
