Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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