I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
