I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize