you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
