My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize