If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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