I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize