I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The air was thick with penises
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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