im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
