Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
