I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
