Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
