I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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