dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My penis needs a shock collar
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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