I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
