The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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