how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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