so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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