You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
