Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
