Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize