Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
