kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
