After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize