A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
