there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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