Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
