I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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