Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
