The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
