If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
