if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
