Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
