Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
