Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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