Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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