i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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