I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
