The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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