I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
